Money, Shame, & Financial Detox
Updated: Jul 3, 2019
I would like to say that I have been great with money my whole life, but that wouldn’t be an accurate statement. As a kid I grew up thinking we were in the upper-middle class of society, when really we were very much middle class. I grew up hearing how well to-do my mother’s side of the family was with the butler, taking the limo to school, getting cars on 16th birthdays and multiple homes. It’s true. Due to many successful entrepreneurial ventures by my great grandfather and grandfather, my mother grew up very well off. My father on the other hand, grew up in a frugal environment as did his father and so on.
My parents had very different views and understandings about money and how to manage it. This, of course, created conflicting ideas of money for me and my siblings. As an Infantry Office in the Army, my father had a finite income. However, my mother could always outspend it. There was never a time when I don’t remember my mom having at least six or more credit and charge cards in her wallet. I have to say that I really never worried about money. The idea that we wouldn’t have enough never crossed my mind as I grew up. But the reality was that we always lived beyond our means. Not because we felt we needed to keep up with the Joneses but because my mother’s love languages was gifts and quality time. However, quality time often meant eating out, going to the movies or some other experiences that normally required money. I guess you could say I didn’t realize we were broke on a different level. What I never thought about as I grew up was that coming into their marriage, my parents had very different perceptions of money; how to use, how to save or invest it, and what money meant regarding their self-image.
It would be great to say that I had it all ironed out by the time I got married, but the reality is that was not the case. I felt from the beginning that my wife and I were starting off better than my parents, but we still had very different perceptions of money as it relates to our image of self and a family (money shame).
What is money shame you may ask? This is the exact topic that Tammy Lally “The Money Coach” goes into in her TEDxOrlando talk. She discusses the money shame she and her brother experienced, or at least until her brother took his life due to the financial pressures. It is sad to think that there are so many people feel that their only way our of money trials is to take their own lives.
While I can definitely say that I have had my financial ups and downs. Listening to Tammy speak has given my wife and I even more reason to exam our understanding of money, the pros and cons of managing it, and our understanding and perception of it based on our parents and even grandparents’ financial influences.
I invite you to get Tammy Lally’s book and start to explore what a Money Detox would look like in your life.
Tammy Lally is a speaker, author, and certified money coach (CMC). You can find more information about Tammy at her website www.TammyLally.com. You can find her new book on Amazon: Money Detox – Your Invitation to Liberation.
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