Happy, Positive, and in Denial.. 4 steps to moving forward when stuck

Updated: Apr 14

"People don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed." Friedrich Nietzche


I have not written in a while and I had an interesting conversation with a friend that made me want to write about this subject of being in denial and using positive thinking as an escape from what is really happening in our lives.


In my past ten years, I have been through every training imaginable regarding positive thinking and the law of attraction. I believe in it, I love it, and do my best to live by it.


However, I think there is another side to it that many people don't want to talk about.. and that is when people use being positive as an escape from issues, problems, or things in their lives that need to be changed.

I remember when one of my mentors in sales did some training with me, told me that one of my jobs as a salesman was to help someone see "the truth" about their situation if to help them see how whatever I was selling would be the best option for their situation and then let them decide if it was or not.


This is a fine line to dance on, because if you push to much and burst their bubble, they go into panic mode and associate you with the pain they feel. If you do not go enough, then you do not truly assist them in seeing how their lives could change for the better.


This approach is the "diagnosis" type, much like a doctor does when he sees a new patient.


When you are sick, do you go into the doctor and tell them all that things you positive about? Or do you tell them exactly what is going on? The less truthful you are with the doc, the less likely you are to be helped, healed, or assisted in getting better.


This same thing applies to our lives in every area. The less likely we are to be honest with ourselves when something isn't working, or not flowing how we would like, the less likely it will be for it to be healed, helped, or assisted in getting better.

I have seen many people who think that not looking at their problems is the way to go about making them better by being positive about them. I think this state of denial is harmful and ultimately destroys those things they would want to attract or succeed with.


An example is when someone has a flat tire are they just going to be positive about it and look at all the wonderful things that come from it? Yes they could, but that doesn't fix the tire. Could they be positive and attract some help? Yes, BUT SOMEONE HAS TO FIX THE TIRE. Being able to be real and look at something saying, "This tire is flat, I need to fix it" Is NOT being negative, its being honest about the situation you are in.


When I was coaching, I always, ALWAYS first start by getting a VERY clear idea of where they are right now. Good and bad, for how are you supposed to get better if you never take a look at where you really are?

The other concept I talk a lot about is being grateful for EVERYTHING even the crappy stuff. Part of that entails accepting WHAT IS not what you think things are.


In relationships, if one person is unhappy with the situation, but never comes to talk about or try to make it better, then they will be miserable and eventually the relationship will fail. Why do we think that any other situation would be different?


Here are 4 things, steps, patterns, whatever you wanna call it to help you remain a positive person, but also come to terms with what the "truth" is. And for reference, truth to me is "Things as they REALLY were, are, and are to come"



Step 1- Take a look at your life in these 10 areas and rate yourself 1-10, 10 being high. Be VERY honest with yourself, are you happy with every area? is it ideal or does it suck and you just don't want to think about it? How is being in denial serving you?


The 10 areas are: Finances, Intimate Relationships, Social Life, Physical Health, Mental Health, Career/business, Fun, Service, Spiritual Connection, Your Life Overall.


Rate 1-10 and be honest, if you are truthfully good in every area, then awesome! If something is suffering then continue.


Step 2- In any area that is less than 10 ask these questions


--Do you want them at a 10? (I know odd question, but some people don't!)

--Do you think its possible to be at a 10?

--What would it take to get from where you are to a 10?

--Take action towards whatever area it is in to get yourself to a 10


Step 3-Take a moment to really look at the negative emotions, situations, people, or circumstances that you are in denial of, or having a hard time taking a good look at. What is the message behind the pain of it? What needs to be looked at? I believe behind every negative situation is a gift... do not miss it.


Step 4-Be grateful for 2 things, 1-For everything JUST AS IT IS, good and bad and 2- for the life that you want to have.


This step is crucial because it helps things to shift. Being grateful is the bridge from chaos to order. Being grateful for things as they are is both accepting things as they are and releasing things to become what you would like.


If you are stuck and asking yourself, "I think positive things and do affirmations every day, but nothing changes, why is that?" It may be time to have a REAL good look at where you are so you can have the power and ability to move forward. I believe in you, go do it!


Jonathan Mitchell is a certified life, success, and emotional health coach and a MBA Candidate. He is also an award winning singer-songwriter and producer with his songs being featured on FOX Sports, PAC 12 football, and Mood Media.  He is passionate about assisting others in bringing out their passion and greatness.  You can find him at www.unleashg.com or on Social Media @unleashg

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